By Melissa Motes, FCA Arkansas Red River Ambassador
In high school, I had the privilege of being part of an incredible girls’ basketball program. I pushed myself at every practice, stayed late to get in extra shots and never wanted to let my teammates or coach down. I craved that feeling of knowing I had earned their approval and trust. I wanted them to be pleased with me.
We had dreamed about this moment, and now it was finally here — the state championship. The culmination of years of hard work, early mornings and hours of shooting had led to this game. As the clock ticked down, everything seemed to slow. I caught the pass, scanned the court and saw our post player double-teamed. There was no way to get the ball to her. The clock was running out, so I took the shot. It arced high, clean and rotated beautifully, then swished through the net. Suddenly, we were in a full-on dogpile at center court, celebrating like crazy teenagers.
We were state champions! It was everything I’d dreamed of — Or was it?
Something unexpected happened in the days after. Instead of the lasting joy I thought I’d feel, there was a persistent emptiness I couldn’t shake. Sure, the recognition was fun — fans and coaches celebrated us — but it didn’t last. Soon, everyone else moved on. Was this all there was to winning something we’d worked so hard for? The satisfaction faded, and before I knew it, the pressure to please everyone again — for next season — was already weighing in.
Looking back, I realized I wasn’t chasing a trophy; — I was chasing approval from other people. I craved that “Well done” from coaches, teammates, parents — anyone who could tell me I was valuable. I desperately wanted to feel worthy and like I measured up. To me, winning felt like the only way to fill that hole.
As coaches and athletes, we can easily fall into the trap of people-pleasing. We think we can earn love by constantly chasing approval, working harder and measuring our worth by the numbers on a scoreboard. But what if that’s not the full story?
-FCA-